Simple Secrets to Stop Your Divorce```

Divorce is a very trying thing in every imaginable way, emotionally, physically, and financially. Nobody wants to go through it, yet many do even though it's been found to be preventable in a large portion of cases. Why go through the heartache? The emotional and financial ruin? If there are children involved, it's rather obvious that divorce should be a last resort reserved for serious infidelity, abuse, and similar hopelessly broken cases. If the "flame" has died down, or you are plagued with petty disagreements, or money problems have been stressful, or anything like this that are fixable (even if there's several!) don't give up yet. Here are a few secrets that we've seen have helped save many marriages.

Secret #1

Get that spark back! Be spontaneous and be romantic. The honeymoon is over and the mystery has died down, but a little extra effort to do something random and surprising frequently can bring back those feelings from when you first started dating. Even if it's a bit cliche, classic things like candlelight dinners, chocolates, and flowers can really soften the mood and show that you still care. Seeing as what you do is less important than the love it represents, pulling out some creativity to do something surprising that is special to the both of you could really help. But most of all, Stop Your Divorce Now Secret's friend and divorce survivor Jamie reminds us: "I had to learn, and this saved my marriage, that romance changes. A perfect marriage is not between two giddy and infatuated adolescents forever. OK a perfect marriage doesn't exist, but a GREAT marriage is two committed people whose love grows and changes over time. That whole 'spark' thing-it moves. You have to keep finding it, and it's better and better each time you do."

Secret #2

Write it out! Far too often our survivors relate that it was simple miscommunication all along. While the stereotypes say that women will expect men to "read their mind" thinking that her poor clueless husband would know the 'obvious' solution to her arbitrary and often impossible emotional puzzle if he really loved her, and that men just tend to bottle up and not talk about things for fear of appearing weak, the truth is both parties tend to play these and many other mind games with each other. We hate to spoil the ending of a story for you, but it's important that you know how this one ends: nobody wins. Sit down with your spouse and write down the problems you are each having with each other. Don't hold back, both of you need to be honest. We can practically guarantee both of you will find your problems are less obvious to your spouse than you think, and that your spouse's are easier to fix than you thought they would be. Oh and this part is optional but why be negative all the time? We also recommend after taking some time to hash things out, write what you like about each other. Depending on your personalities and what state your relationship is in, you may want to agree to wait a few days to think about it and resolve some of the problems to keep it from getting awkward!

Secret #3

Now you're open with each other-stay open and remember the Golden Rule of Relationship Compromise! Agree to talk with each other about things that bother the both of you instead of bottling it up or playing games with each other. Remember earlier? Those sorts of tactics follow the same plot of every other tragedy ever written, so don't do it. Often problems that seem big are easily resolved just with communication. Once the line is open, remember the Golden Rule of Relationship Compromise, or for short, "the 80/20 rule". In a successful relationship, when each member is asked to guess how much they give versus how much they get, both tend to say they give 80% and get 20%. If either of you are counting your concessions to the other and holding back when things don't seem "fair", stop. Giving to someone you love is the foundation of a happy marriage, and both of you should happily and freely give to each other since you both enjoy it-you love each other.

P.S. If you are thinking right now, "that's right, my spouse SHOULD enjoy giving and giving in to me more!" you're doing it wrong!

So what will it be?

If the issues between you and your spouse aren't a threat to each other's safety (abuse whether physical, verbal, or emotional and infidelity, for instance, are very dangerous) you can save your marriage and stop your divorce if you are both willing to talk, listen, compromise, and give. It's up to you AND your spouse, you will both need to cooperate for it to work as nobody can force someone else to do anything. However, it only takes one of you to offer the other the chance to follow them on the path to a happy and successful marriage.

Stop your divorce now! Divorce is painful and trying and should be a last resort. Don't put up with abuse and don't blame yourself... but also don't throw in the towel until you can look yourself in the eye and say you tried everything and gave it your all. It can just take one spouse to save a marriage.

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What to Do If Your Spouse Won't Go to Counseling

The scenario of one spouse recognizing that therapy might be useful to look at a troubled relationship while the other is resistant has several possible explanations.
It may be that your partner may be too anxious as a product of interpreting your request for counseling as a sign that the relationship is in serious danger, and may only have the strength to defend against the anxiety by denial and non-participation. Your partner may also feel too threatened by the notion that he or she is to blame for your relationship difficulties, and visualizes a therapy session as one in which you persuade the therapist of this unilateral conception. The fear here is of you being the complaining, "righteous" partner who co-opts the therapist in a biased alliance against him or her. In addition, your resistant partner may not feel as competent to present his or her case to the therapist as you might, since after all, you are fueled by pain and indignation of one kind or another. Again, for this mate, refusing to go to therapy is a way to reduce anxiety, at least short-term.
If you find yourself in this situation,... it is useful to examine your emotional stance in the relationship with respect to judging and blaming. Dominating your partner with blame only serves to maintain a power imbalance and your sense of being victimized and deprived. If your partner is the source of blame and judgment and paradoxically still won't attend sessions, it may be that this person feels hopeless about the possibility of change or too vulnerable to relinquish the role of blamer in order to learn more about the contributions that he or she makes to the problems that are straining the relationship.
Solutions to this problem may be emerge through the use of compassion, an emotional attitude sometimes not easy to find in the midst of the acute pain and anger that are ordinary products of disappointment in love. Recognizing the dynamics presented here may serve as a framework for re-shaping your attitudes about your resistant partner from helplessness, disrespect, and judgment to interest and care about what is very likely to be underlying fearfulness and vulnerability. If you can do that, then you may be able to have conversations with your partner that are characterized by a softer tone, and more demonstrations of true empathy - the ability to de-center and put yourself in your partner's shoes. This act will have healing potential and effect some change even before you both arrive at the therapist's office.
If your partner still refuses to attend therapy sessions with you, it is advisable for you to go by yourself. There is much helpful work that you and your therapist can accomplish regarding how you live in the relationship, and as you become stronger, so, like ripples formed by a stone being dropped in water, the positive energies that you bring home may be helpful to both of you, whether or not your partner ever attends.
John Gerson, Ph.D., is a therapist who practices in and specializes in relationships and marriage counseling. John can be reached here http://www.goodtherapy.org/m15_view_item.html?m15:item=drjohn%40drjohn123.com and http://www.goodtherapy.org/Poughkeepsie-therapy.htm
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Communication Problems in Relationships - The Cause and the Cure

Communication problems must be amongst the most common complaints anyone makes about their relationship. What is going wrong?

Since you presumably have language in common, communication problems in relationships are not caused by shortage of vocabulary. In fact, it's an ironic thought that more words are exchanged in trying to sort out communication problems than at most other times in the lifetime of a relationship!

Communication problems in relationships almost always come from a clash of values. One partner values safety and security, the other takes risks. Or one is liberated in the bedroom, whilst the other is prudish and shy. It could be said that, on a grander scale, it isn't only relationships that suffer with this kind of communication problem: nations and cultures do too. It's the root cause of all war!

So here we are at an interesting point. If we can come up with a solution to communication problems in relationships, we have the seeds of a formula for world peace too! Let's have a go, shall we?

Imagine you are walking in a forest in spring time. You notice amongst a field of bluebells a wild red rose is growing. Now stretch your imagination a little, and suppose you can overhear some bluebells talking about the rose.

"Isn't he ugly?" comments a forthright bluebell. "Tall, with that disgusting red face..."
"Yes," says a second bluebell, "and have you seen those thorns? Well! I ask you..."

You get the picture, and perhaps a little smile too. What a ridiculous idea that a rose is ugly for not being a bluebell! Both are beautiful, and each is unique too. From our human perspective it's easy to see the beauty in both, and to enjoy the differences between the two species of plants.

Have I strayed from solving communication problems in relationships? No, I haven't. The key is to get interested in each other's differences. I don't have the slightest idea, for example, what drives someone to go fishing - it would bore me beyond words and besides I don't like the taste of fish. But I fully accept that millions of people get a lot of pleasure from fishing as a hobby. Should I condemn fishing as an activity because I don't like it? Even if my partner was keen on it? Surely, it would be far better to just get interested in her fascination. It doesn't mean I have to go on fishing trips with her, though!

There is a vital key here. There is one belief, one fundamental value that you should share before you get embroiled in a relationship with anyone. Agree that the only thing that matters is your personal happiness. And then both of you should agree that your focus will be on helping each other to achieve that until death do you part.

If you give that, rather than seeing or feeling that the person is your opponent, she or he will always be your partner in your feeling good. And you will be his or hers. If you share that simple value system, you will never, ever have communication problems in relationships again. And maybe we'd have the beginning of world peace too.

Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author, and life coach. His areas of expertise include heartbreak recovery & the law of attraction. He originally trained as a mental health professional & NLP practitioner. He lives with his wife in his native England.

"How To Trust Love Again When Your Heart's Been Broken" - his heartbreak recovery program - is available now from http://www.trust-in-relationships.com

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Three Rock-Solid Reasons to Stop Divorce in Your Life Right Now

Things may be bad in your marriage. In fact, they may be utterly horrible. Before you pull the trigger on a divorce, however, you should reconsider three of the reasons why avoiding divorce can make so much sense. People have found that they can save their marriages even when things look dark as night. They're often inspired to take corrective action after thinking about the ugly side of divorce.

Avoid Divorce, Avoid Upheaval

Divorces are never really clean and simple. If they were, there wouldn't be so many divorce attorneys driving around in Porsches! Seriously, divorce is always a major change and it brings with it so much turmoil and upheaval. Take one minute and right down the first five big, messy changes a divorce will cause in your life. Look at them and realize those are only the tip of a very, very big iceberg!

Save a Marriage, Save Love

It's easy to forget, but you got married for a reason. It wasn't just his smile or her sense of humor. There was a connection there. You might not be able to verbalize the nature of that connection, but it was deep and real. When you decide to divorce, you are kissing that relationship away--permanently. I don't want to be sappy or overly emotional here, but that is a very big thing and a potentially horrible decision.

Stop Divorce, Avoid a Cycle

Have you ever noticed how many people experience multiple marriages and divorces? It's like they keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, isn't it? It seems that way because that's exactly what happens. Instead of taking the necessary action to save a marriage, they move on. When another relationship evolves, they go through all of the pain and chaos again. Why not short-circuit this horrible cycle by getting serious about saving your marriage?

You might think it's impossible to stop divorce right now. To be frank, you may be right. However, if there is a part of you that is willing to save the marriage, there is hope. You can fix things if you take action.

Your relationship is not doomed. Even if you're the only one interested in making things work, you can save your marriage.

By following a smart, professional and proven plan designed to effectively save a marriage, you can make your relationship much stronger and better than it has ever been!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Syd_McKeever

How Do I Save My Marriage?

Our car have a flat tire, we stop and have it fix.if we can take the time out to stop and fix our flat tire then we must be able to stop,also take our time and fix our marriage problem which is of more importance.

I want you to know that there is no perfect marriage on earth or a marriage where everything is hundred percent perfect, there must be some comma and it is now left to you to remove those comma and have a happy and a peaceful marriage life.

A happy marriage takes time it doesn't just happen like that. it take alot of sacrifice,patience and time. don't let anyone to deceived you. all you need to do is, to believe in yourself and be ready to commit yourself to the success of your marriage.

All the great happy marriage out there passed through the fire to be where they are now, and in other word just like a bed of rose that is full of thorn so also is marriage but how we managed it is what matter.

Am not going to bore you with lengthy line of letters to tell you how to fix your marriage but am going to list five tips that you can apply to have you marriage fix .

Learn to Forgive

Remember the power of humor.

Decide together.

Don't forget the simple things

Stay intimate.

Now this five tips mentioned above should gives you the steps that you need to take right now and save your marriage

About the Author

egede millicent is unknown friend of your who is commited to the success of your marriage. would you like to know more about the above topic? check out for tips